struggling

It's been fun to be in my "best-managed cycle" and feel like "we've got this" just to be humbled again. I do not "have this", I am still at the mercy of my body on chemo. So I am struggling, yet trusting and asking God for mercy to make it through this cycle just as He's brought me through the last four. Thankful that although I am not in complete control of my body, I can trust the One who is. I will rest in that - though I have to fight myself to not be anxious. I will keep up the fight and trust.

From my grandfather's grave: "This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles." (Psalm 34)

grateful

I am grateful... I think this has been my best-managed chemo cycle so far. We planned AND followed through on hydration at days 2, 5, & 7 and that seemed to keep me from spiraling into dehydration and all the bad that comes with that. Yay! At the same time, I am feeling the build-up of the chemo and though I feel like we're managing well, the miserableness and other side effects seem to be affecting me longer and more deeply - if that's a thing. The brain fog is real. I am functioning at a slower pace than normal - and that's okay.

Please pray for my body to handle the chemicals as well as possible. I feel it in my teeth, my brain, my skin. Pray for no long-lasting bad effects. 

"I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings" - Psalm 17

thankful

During this month of thankfulness, I am thankful I was able to go to church today for worship. It has been tough being isolated because I feel so awful most of the time. So, it is a treat to get together with others. I am thankful that this Thursday will be treatment #5 and that before the month is over, I will finish with #6 also. Though it has been challenging, the time has gone by somewhat quickly. Praying for continued endurance as I finish this part of the treatment and more endurance as I head into surgery on December 30 and recovery for the following 4 weeks.

back at home... almost day 11

I am back home now. I was only in hospital for 3 days and by the time I left they had my body chemistry back in balance and I was equipped with 2 new nausea meds. I was so thankful to have great nurses and doctors taking care of me during my stay and making sure I was ready to go home as soon as possible. Since I've been home, I have mostly stayed in bed. But this evening I was able to walk across the street to visit friends. The little things feel like a big deal now.

Two days ago, Scott got to spend time in a different ER, adding to the chaos of our week! One of our children experienced sudden partial blindness and garbled speech - we though it could be a stroke! Thankfully, it was diagnosed as a migraine and life is back to mostly normal for that one!

Sometimes right now I feel like we're dealing with more than we can handle. But I know the Lord is in control. I am thankful that I am not and I look forward to understanding more about the timing of all our current challenges one day - or maybe not. God is good and I know His acts are ultimately for my good and His glory. Psalm 34 says, "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together."  Amen.

Pray for continued endurance.

Thank you for the meals and flowers and cards to encourage us!

Hospital Visit

Hello blogosphere - (blog takeover by the hubby).

God has shown His kindness to us in so many ways.  What might be viewed as 'bad', God has shown us goodness and mercy (Ps 23:6).

We had a goal of NOT going to the ER between chemo treatments this round.  The path we planned was not the one available to us...

Chemo treatment was delayed a day due to a disagreement between hospital staff and administration - subsequently outsourced to City Of Hope.  Process went smoothly and Tara made it back home for some R&R with a scheduled hydration infusion the following day.  The aforementioned hospital disagreement did not find a resolution and delayed the hydration from scheduled day 2 to the next available day 4.  By that time Tara was unable to keep anything down and was very dehydrated.  Calls to the hospital to reschedule the hydration were fruitless as they were overwhelmed from the previously unattended workload.  Off to the ER.

Tara, accompanied by her loving father-in-law, arrived and basically passed out during triage and received the immediate attention of a small army of ER staff.  After initial tests gauging the severity of her state of health completed, she was given the much needed IV hydration.

Tara's road to recovery began Monday morning this week and has continued through today, including two nights in the hospital, more hydration than was previously prescribed, and the decrease of her persistent nausea.  As of this morning, she has been able to eat, move her bowels, and feel sort of normal (as normal as chemo allows).

Please pray: 

• God would continue to sustain her through these challenges
• Tara would be strengthened and comforted
• Tara would be released from the hospital (assessed healthy by the staff)

chemo postponed

How fickle I am. Take my chemo away and suddenly I really want it.

Today's chemo was canceled because of a nurse strike at socal kaisers. ): Thankfully, tomorrow I will get my regular treatment at City of Hope in Long Beach. A bit of a drive, but so happy to not have to change my entire treatment plan. So, looking forward to chemo tomorrow. 

"In the suffering, in the sorrow when my sinking hopes are few, I will hold fast to the anchor, it shall never be removed."

thankful

I was able to go for a walk today. I pushed the wheelchair for support and in case I needed to sit down, but I didn't! I was able to walk all the way around the little lake in the park! I feel so accomplished!

Psalm 126 - The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.