Celebrating

 Thank you for praying me through this. I so appreciate the support.

I have moved from the recliner back to my normal bed (with lots of pillows). I made it through a 5hr drive to Arizona and 7hr drive back (traffic) and had a fabulous time at Sy's graduation in between! Praise the Lord with us that Silas conquered the Bachelor's in Business Administration program at GCU. Woohoo!

Kaiser can't get enough of me. I had my post-op last Monday morning then Monday afternoon I had my infusion that was postponed from the week before. And as soon as I was back I had another echocardiogram on Friday. Everything is looking good, but in true-to-my-cancer-experience-so-far fashion, at my post-op they told me about so many more appointment "opportunities". ha. so I have a 2-wk post op and a 6-8wk post op and a 6mo post op also. yay.

for now, I will continue to recover from surgery and go to infusions every 3 weeks. I am getting there. (wherever there is).

So far so good

 Thank you for praying with us. Tara has been sleeping all day today and just wakes up every 3hrs for meds. No pain, no nausea, no trouble so far. The meds make her lightheaded, but since she's just sleeping, it's ok. She likes to wean off the opioids asap, so likely she'll have less lightheadedness soon. Our life group is doing meals, so we feel well taken care of. Thank you again so much for your prayers.

Surgery success

 

 

Tara’s surgery was successful. They accomplished what they wanted to do and finished shortly after 2 PM. I got called back to see her around 4 and we got home shortly after 6. She has a good pain management plan. All is well so far. Thank you for praying with us. 

- From Scott

Surgery tomorrow

Please pray for my surgery tomorrow. Praise the Lord the time got moved up! ( :

at the Irvine hospital. arrival 930, surgery 1130-230

I don't like going under. But I will not fear for the Lord is with me. He will strengthen me and help me and uphold me. (Isaiah 41:10)

I Will Trust My Savior Jesus

my surgery theme song

March Update - surgery scheduled!

I just had another birthday and recognizing that the treatments I received for my cancer were not available 20 years ago made it all the more sweet. "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

I have had 3 infusions now and still no side effects - praise the Lord! "Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer or His lovingkindness from me." Psalm 66:20

My next infusion will be on April 20. We had to push it back a few days because I was able to schedule my last surgery! Woohoo. (Normally, surgery is nothing to rejoice over, but after the nurse strike, my supposed-to-be-April-27 surgery was being pushed to "probably August or September"! So I called everyday looking for a cancelation and got an April 14 slot - so totally worth rejoicing over.) Surgery could have a short recovery period this time. "Some patients recover in a couple days." We shall see. "I am He who will sustain you. I have made you & I will carry you." Isaiah 46:4

I don't think I've mentioned the extreme stomach pain I was having that sent me to the ER last November. My oncologist said just like chemo can cause mouth sores, it can cause stomach ulcers. Well, I enjoyed the pain meds from the hospital and they gave me a prescription that I took only a couple times and decided wasn't working. Fast forward a few months and the pain is regularly waking me several times each night and I'm taking Tums all the time and I remembered the prescription. So I committed to taking the rest of the 26 daily pills in the bottle and, thankfully, I have been stomach-pain free since I started taking them! Woohoo. When they run out Easter weekend, I will see whether the ulcers are healed or not. "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:2-5

Physical therapy helped make great progress with range of motion for my arms. I can reach my kitchen cabinets and my steering wheel! We'll start up again a month after surgery. Infusions will continue every 3 weeks til October or November (depending on any unforeseen delays). Six of my fingernails have died and 2 are still trying to die. This is only super painful for the 3 days before "death" when they swell and such. But my toenails are all good. yay! My hair continues to grow, but not fast enough. I really didn't mind being bald, but this super short stage is not fun. My hair doesn't have any outrageous cowlicks, but it does grow down on the sides and straight up on the top, so I have a "fun" mohawk that I'm not really enjoying. But it's just a season. (Hoping the season goes by fast!) "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Last week, I was able to head to the hills to walk 5 miles on my own. This is something I've missed so much. Scott & Kaden & even my friend Jenny each took me up there a few times so we'd know that I won't die on my own. When we started with the shortest route at 2.2 miles, it took forever at first. I was super slow and took breaks as needed. We worked up to the 3.7mi and finally to the 5.0mi. Now I can do it on my own, though the uphills I still take really slow as the infusion meds I'm on still cause my heart rate to run pretty high when under duress. It is so exciting to have another little piece of my "normal" life back. "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." Psalm 71:20

Looking ahead - I am excited to celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary next week, to attend Silas's graduation from GCU on 4/22 and Jonas's graduation from the Air Force Academy on 5/28, and to have a family vacation with all 6 of us together during Jonas's leave after graduation and before he reports to his next base in July. "Many are asking, 'Who can show us any good?' Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound." Psalm 4:6-7

Please continue to pray... for healing after surgery 4/14 (especially as I want to be well to attend Silas's graduation 8 days later!) and also less painful fingernails, for infusions to continue to be uneventful and have no side effects, and for me to be a light in dark places. 

Praise the Lord with us... for healing of stomach ulcers, for surgery being scheduled, for infusions happening, for the lack of side effects, for the energy to walk in the hills, for the progress of physical therapy, for upcoming graduations and time with family, for another year of life - so many things to be thankful for!

February Update

 At 8 weeks post surgery, I am finally feeling less sore and am able to do more of my normal activities. 

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40

I am in weekly physical therapy for my arms, and both are progressing well, though the one they took the lymph node from still cannot reach very high or wide. I am super thankful that I was able to get physical therapy started as I was struggling to push, pull, lift, or stretch to just do normal things like get dressed or get something out of a kitchen cabinet. 

My fingernails are struggling to stay alive after the chemo last fall and cause my fingers to hurt making it pretty challenging at times to do easy things like grabbing something out of a purse or typing or picking up objects.

I do have more energy and have been going for (almost) daily walks of 2-4 miles. Yay! This is something I've missed so much for the last months. I can't do hills yet, but I can keep a pretty good pace going on a flat path.

My hair is starting to grow back. For several weeks, I did not drive, but I am back to feeling comfortable behind the wheel (and my arms can both reach the steering wheel and move it safely now!)

It has been a time of slow but steady progress. I am so thankful that I have the time to work on recovering and I am even to the point that I am starting to look for ways to fill my time.

A couple weeks ago, my health insurance got a bit messed up and that was cause for some stress, but it looks like it is resolved. 

Thankfully that didn't keep me from getting restarted with my infusions. Last fall, every 3 weeks I went for chemotherapy infusions and received 4 drugs each time. Two of the drugs are chemotherapies which are completely done after 6 sessions. The other two drugs are "targeted therapies" which I have to do for 12 more sessions. I took a break for surgery and now we have restarted those. Thankfully, these two drugs do not have the horrible chemotherapy side effects. We shall see in the coming weeks what difficulties, if any, I experience from these infusions. Since my first infusion on 2/13, I have not experienced any new side effects. Woohoo!

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  - Hebrews 4

Please pray for healing (and especially for my fingernails), for better range of motion with my arms, for insurance to work like it's supposed to, for me to get infusions and surgery scheduled (as those had to be put off because of a nurse strike), for continued lack of side effects with the infusions (next on 3/5) and for me to be a light in dark places. Praise the Lord with me for having more energy, getting to go for walks, the progress already made through physical therapy, for the lack of side effects, and for the insurance resolve so far.

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe."  - Psalm 61

Good news

 

Thank you for praying! We have received all good news in our follow up appointments.

 

The general surgeon reports “no residual invasive carcinoma” and my lymph node was also “negative for carcinoma”. Praise the Lord for no cancer!

The plastic surgeon says everything is good. There has been no tissue damage and I have good blood flow to the skin and I will see him for the next several weeks then wait 3 months before (what should be) a final surgery in early May.

 

Before surgery I arranged for some ladies to “babysit” me during the day for a few hours so Scott could get some work done. These ladies jumped in and did whatever was needed - from getting meds and meals for me to catching me when I fainted and helping manage drain tubes. I have been so blessed by friends old and new.  (Thank you so much Angela, Kelli, Kim, Luci, Kristen, Julianne, and Patti!)

Monday morning, I spent a few hours in the ER and it turned out to be an amazing blessing as well. A lovely PA walked me through all my post-op issues and was really reassuring (after some imaging for blood clots) that all was well and that with some easy techniques I could manage all that brought me to the ER. I am so thankful for her kindness and thoroughness! After my time with her I felt confident to manage my symptoms at home.

Our church family has provided cards and texts and various meals since August through each chemo and surgery. The meals have not just provided food for our bellies, but have shown the overwhelming love of Christ in a tangible way. We never felt alone in our difficulties. People constantly offered grocery & errand runs and whatever we needed. Thank you so much to everyone!

 

Please rejoice with us and continue to pray for complete healing.

Surgery #1 of 2 complete

 Today’s surgery went well. I am home. Praise the Lord!

The general surgeon will know at my appointment next week, whether there was any cancer found or not. This will determine treatment going forward.

The plastic surgeon was unable to complete reconstruction today. At my appointment with him next week, we will schedule a second surgery for reconstruction.

This is disappointing but we knew it was a possibility so not fully unexpected.

I am still in God’s hand and His perfect plan is good.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;” Lamentations 3:21-25 NIV

Surgery Tomorrow - 12/30

 

Surgery is tomorrow. I am nervous but hopeful. 

 

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.”

Lamentations 3:21-22 NIV

 

This 6-hour outpatient(!) surgery plans to accomplish a double mastectomy and reconstruction and should be a final big step in this season of cancer. Recovery from surgery will be 2-6 weeks. The big window is because 1 in 3 patients have complications. So it’s actually likely I will have some issue causing a longer recovery time. So while we pray for a quick recovery, we know that healing may come more slowly. 

If you asked about helping after surgery, 

there is a meal train here: https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/q23mer 

and a sign up to babysit me here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10bIpOLSaK4iYpi-bXvhUawloufU7FaTuw4TwT_PlJDM/edit 

Scott has been taking excellent care of me and him working from home has been extremely helpful. But since I will be unable to use my arms for a bit I need some extra help so that he can actually get work done! So the sign up is to come to our house and hang out with me (babysit) for a few hours. I don’t completely know what I need yet but I know Scott will spend all his time serving me if I need it and don’t have other help. 

Additionally, after surgery, I will continue to have immunotherapy treatments every 3 weeks at the chemo infusion center. This will continue until August making 1 complete year of treatments. 

Two of the 4 drugs I received every 3 weeks at the infusion center were immunotherapy while the other 2 were chemotherapy. So although chemo is done, I will still get treatment there every 3 weeks. This treatment should be easier - not causing nausea and allowing my hair to grow back. Theoretically I get to go back to “normal life”. 

I am so thankful that, as of Christmas Eve, I am eating more normally and starting ti feel better. My exhaustion is lifting though I am still experiencing GI issues and my fingernails are trying to die making my fingertips all swollen and painful. It’s hard to do anything with your hands when your fingers all hurt!

 

Please pray for surgery and recovery, for GI issues that will likely continue with immunotherapy and for my fingers!

 

“I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

Lamentations 3:24-26 NIV

LAST Chemo! Yay!

Friday was my last chemo. I hardly had good days last round and the oncologist was wondering if I could handle it, but I told her now or never - I didn't want to drag it out. So we went ahead and had treatment on Friday and it has had it's ups and downs. New side effect: stomach pain - so much so that I was in the ER on Sunday, but after that trip have not had pain since (maybe some discomfort, but no pain requiring meds). While I am thankful, I have no explanation because they only gave me pain meds and did not really treat any cause. 

Psalm 34 says, "The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing." He delivers me. I know He is good. I lack nothing. 

I am happy to not be in pain. I have continued to be extremely weak and my intake has been very sparse. Slowly but surely I drink water. Slowly but surely I take small bites. And sometimes those things stay down and my body can survive another day. I have gone for IV hydration three times and that is carrying me through. I am so thankful that it's almost over.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. - I Thessalonians 5. I am joyful even in this. I am holding onto what is good. He is faithful.

Next up, surgery on Dec 30. Then I will be in recovery for 2-6 weeks. 1 in 3 patients have complications from this surgery, so it is likely, though not inevitable, that I will experience some setback(s) and be on the 6-week timeline. During that time, I will need more help as I will have very restricted use of both arms.

But before all that, I get to see all my kids as everyone will be home the week of Christmas to celebrate the birth of our Savior! Hooray for the time to reflect and celebrate and have the whole family together for the occasion.

struggling

It's been fun to be in my "best-managed cycle" and feel like "we've got this" just to be humbled again. I do not "have this", I am still at the mercy of my body on chemo. So I am struggling, yet trusting and asking God for mercy to make it through this cycle just as He's brought me through the last four. Thankful that although I am not in complete control of my body, I can trust the One who is. I will rest in that - though I have to fight myself to not be anxious. I will keep up the fight and trust.

From my grandfather's grave: "This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles." (Psalm 34)

grateful

I am grateful... I think this has been my best-managed chemo cycle so far. We planned AND followed through on hydration at days 2, 5, & 7 and that seemed to keep me from spiraling into dehydration and all the bad that comes with that. Yay! At the same time, I am feeling the build-up of the chemo and though I feel like we're managing well, the miserableness and other side effects seem to be affecting me longer and more deeply - if that's a thing. The brain fog is real. I am functioning at a slower pace than normal - and that's okay.

Please pray for my body to handle the chemicals as well as possible. I feel it in my teeth, my brain, my skin. Pray for no long-lasting bad effects. 

"I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings" - Psalm 17

thankful

During this month of thankfulness, I am thankful I was able to go to church today for worship. It has been tough being isolated because I feel so awful most of the time. So, it is a treat to get together with others. I am thankful that this Thursday will be treatment #5 and that before the month is over, I will finish with #6 also. Though it has been challenging, the time has gone by somewhat quickly. Praying for continued endurance as I finish this part of the treatment and more endurance as I head into surgery on December 30 and recovery for the following 4 weeks.

back at home... almost day 11

I am back home now. I was only in hospital for 3 days and by the time I left they had my body chemistry back in balance and I was equipped with 2 new nausea meds. I was so thankful to have great nurses and doctors taking care of me during my stay and making sure I was ready to go home as soon as possible. Since I've been home, I have mostly stayed in bed. But this evening I was able to walk across the street to visit friends. The little things feel like a big deal now.

Two days ago, Scott got to spend time in a different ER, adding to the chaos of our week! One of our children experienced sudden partial blindness and garbled speech - we though it could be a stroke! Thankfully, it was diagnosed as a migraine and life is back to mostly normal for that one!

Sometimes right now I feel like we're dealing with more than we can handle. But I know the Lord is in control. I am thankful that I am not and I look forward to understanding more about the timing of all our current challenges one day - or maybe not. God is good and I know His acts are ultimately for my good and His glory. Psalm 34 says, "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together."  Amen.

Pray for continued endurance.

Thank you for the meals and flowers and cards to encourage us!

Hospital Visit

Hello blogosphere - (blog takeover by the hubby).

God has shown His kindness to us in so many ways.  What might be viewed as 'bad', God has shown us goodness and mercy (Ps 23:6).

We had a goal of NOT going to the ER between chemo treatments this round.  The path we planned was not the one available to us...

Chemo treatment was delayed a day due to a disagreement between hospital staff and administration - subsequently outsourced to City Of Hope.  Process went smoothly and Tara made it back home for some R&R with a scheduled hydration infusion the following day.  The aforementioned hospital disagreement did not find a resolution and delayed the hydration from scheduled day 2 to the next available day 4.  By that time Tara was unable to keep anything down and was very dehydrated.  Calls to the hospital to reschedule the hydration were fruitless as they were overwhelmed from the previously unattended workload.  Off to the ER.

Tara, accompanied by her loving father-in-law, arrived and basically passed out during triage and received the immediate attention of a small army of ER staff.  After initial tests gauging the severity of her state of health completed, she was given the much needed IV hydration.

Tara's road to recovery began Monday morning this week and has continued through today, including two nights in the hospital, more hydration than was previously prescribed, and the decrease of her persistent nausea.  As of this morning, she has been able to eat, move her bowels, and feel sort of normal (as normal as chemo allows).

Please pray: 

• God would continue to sustain her through these challenges
• Tara would be strengthened and comforted
• Tara would be released from the hospital (assessed healthy by the staff)

chemo postponed

How fickle I am. Take my chemo away and suddenly I really want it.

Today's chemo was canceled because of a nurse strike at socal kaisers. ): Thankfully, tomorrow I will get my regular treatment at City of Hope in Long Beach. A bit of a drive, but so happy to not have to change my entire treatment plan. So, looking forward to chemo tomorrow. 

"In the suffering, in the sorrow when my sinking hopes are few, I will hold fast to the anchor, it shall never be removed."

thankful

I was able to go for a walk today. I pushed the wheelchair for support and in case I needed to sit down, but I didn't! I was able to walk all the way around the little lake in the park! I feel so accomplished!

Psalm 126 - The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

Day 11

so thankful that Day 11 is here and has brought relief. woohoo!

it's not perfect, but it's good.

it's been rough

Sorry to not update sooner. It has been a rough week and I needed prayer but didn't ask. So thankful that so many people sent texts and notes of encouragement. The Lord knew what I needed and sent it through y'all without me asking.

After chemo on Thursday, I felt ok enough on Friday to go to bible study. It was great to get out of the house and see some ladies at church and be encouraged. After bible study, I crashed - which was expected. Saturday was rough and Sunday was worse. My GI issues swung from one extreme to the other and we had to visit the ER to get some balance. My nurses and doctors in the ER were great and once they ruled out really bad stuff, they treated my immediate complications I was released to go home at 4am. I really need to find a balance of the medications I am on!

Monday was a rough recovery from staying up all night, but I looked forward to a hydration appointment that brought more relief. Tuesday and Wednesday felt back to the normal "miserable" but slightly less as I was able to tolerate a bit of food! Thursday brought more relief with another hydration appointment after which it felt like I was turning a corner. Throughout the week, texts of encouragement got me through. I am amazed at the particular verses people were prompted to send and how those words met me right where I was at.

Meals this week were such a blessing as I was able to tolerate a bit of each food people dropped off and it gave me a variety of leftovers to choose from during the day making it more likely I would eat anything. Thank you for bringing us meals!!! I told one couple last night that they may feel like one meal wasn't making a dent, but all the cards, meals, and texts feel like a wave of care crashing into us. We are so blessed and cared for by our loving God who sees me and knows what I need before I ask. 

"...for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." - Matthew 6:8

Chemo #3 Done

Today's chemo went well. My dear friend Tracy drove me and sat and chatted making the 4 1/2 hours go by quickly. I am so thankful for the encouragement and support of my life group ladies who have each picked a day to spend with me at the hospital and help make this burden lighter!

Please pray that I will be able to better manage side effects this round with new meds that I got today. I am hopeful!